Church Should Be A Safe Place

My family and I went this morning to the church we occasionally attend. It's part of a well-known denomination and they meet in an office space with about 25 people. This Sunday they had Communion. I haven't taken Communion in about a year. It was nice. No fanfare, no pre-offering sermon, no personal stories about the Richard Petty racing experience, hunting trips to the Yukon, McDonald's Fillet-O-Fish sandwiches or references to an airplane that the speaker did not actually own. There was just a sermon from Psalm 24 about God's holiness, our sin and God's mercy toward us.

I came out of the service today reminded how church is supposed to be a safe place, not a place to be preyed upon. At my old Word of Faith church they used to say "It's a matter of life and death where you go church." It's true. Because of the narcissistic and exploitative leadership, the sins that went on and the disturbing culture that was developed in the church, it was death to many people in many ways.

No, Really, It's a Great Church: WOF Social Blunders and Church Culture

Anytime friends or family came to visit our WOF church it was always a disaster. It bordered on comical the way it ALWAYS worked out to be a negative experience for the visitor. For example, my sister-in-law came to church with us and lo and behold, there was a mean former co-worker of hers. This person didn’t just go to church with us but she had a coveted ‘servant’ position in the church caste system. This would be awkward enough as it is, but the mean former co-worker could only work up a brisk “Hi” as they passed by. Nice church P.R. move.

Then my wife’s parents came to visit. My father-in-law got a friendly reception from the man who tried to shaft him in business deals. The shifty businessman was far up in our church’s caste system, which explains why he never spoke a word to my wife or me the whole time we attended church together. I guess he saw potential dollar signs over my father-in-law’s head. But the fact that this man was looked up to at our church didn’t exactly leave a good impression on my father-in-law. He was already suspicious of the whole Word of faith movement as it was.

My parents had politely made it known that they did not agree with Word of Faith doctrine, as my dad was a pastor himself. Once my mother came to church with us (to see us, by the way, not to enjoy the “good teaching” that was supposedly taking place). She arrived shortly before the start of the service and was able to find a parking space right next to our church complex. However a parking attendant was going to have her move because the spot had been reserved for paid staff members. After he noticed she had a Tennesse license plate on her car, he told her it would be okay since she had driven a long way. My mother told me she thought it was a bit odd that they asked her to move since churches typically try to accommodate visitors as much as they can in order to make them feel welcome.

A friend of my wife’s visited one Sunday. She made the mistake of entering the domain of the always-crabby church bookstore lady. Our friend was promptly chewed out for entering through the exit of the tiny bookstore. A couple of other friends that visited with us were spared the worst of the typical gaffes that the others experienced. They were able to get through the entire visit without being spoken to. Then there were the times that friends or relatives got zinged by highly abrasive comments from the pulpit about particular doctrines or opinions.

If you add a few experiences like this to what I have already mentioned in the post called “It flows from the head” it gives you an idea of what kind of church culture the Word of Faith creates. I recall one of our upper caste member’s one and only conversations with my wife was “How long have you been going to church here?” The answer was “Two years.” Yeah, we went 3 times a week during those 2 years in a congregation of about 700 or so. And worked in "Helps Ministry."

I have made the point that the WOF creates an unhealthy church culture and brings out a lot of bad in people. But as I have has some contact with some former church people, I am wondering about some of the people the faith and prosperity message attracts in the first place. Some of the ones I’ve bumped into are just as unfriendly as they were in our old church. I think there is truth in what some have pointed out, that a “life enhancement” message will populate churches with people who are not actually saved. Also, a “life enhancement” gospel message can create “Christians” who are not actually saved because we are not putting emphasis on people’s need for a savior because of sin.

It’s all so weird…to quote Someone I Once Looked Up To “It would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic.”

Dynasty

It’s not unheard of to have a family that has several members who go in the ministry. Sometimes it takes place over several generations. But it seems over the last several years that some ministers view what they do as “the family business.” I have been involved with ministries that engage in nepotism, which is defined as “favoritism (as in appointment to a job) based on kinship.” In other words, they appoint their adult children or other relatives to positions in the church that that will secure the pastor’s power and cash flow in the organization. I can think of many Word of Faith ministries that are quick to show off how their whole family is in the ministry (this is not limited to WOF, by the way). Apparently one of the ways preachers measure their success in the current culture is establishing a ministry dynasty. Never mind that Junior or Sis have no fruit in their Christian lives whatsoever, just put them over the Youth, Children’s church or the Music, pay them a disproportionately large salary for a rookie minister and a preaching dynasty is created! In the controlling Word of Faith church we attended for 10 years, the behavior of the pastor’s adult kids got so bad that it was a major factor in destroying the church (along with the pastor’s cover-up of their behavior).

I recall that Paul’s advice was to avoid putting novices in positions within the church. Pastors, if your kid is inexperienced, they are a novice. If you’ll swallow your pride about it, it will help you in the long run. I know your kid has a good heart, but let them preach in prison for a while first. Let them work with people who have nothing to offer anyone except b.o.. Let them prove themselves before you start putting them on salary. I say this because I know of so many young men and women got into sin that had no place being in the ministry except that daddy had a church or a ministry that they were appointed into. Contrary to popular mythology, the kids are not anointed just because everybody thinks dad or mom is. But pride and preacher worship dictates that that a mighty man of God must have a preaching dynasty descending from him.

I hope some of you preachers out there will take heed of this admonition: ELI! Does anyone remember Samuel’s childhood prophecy Eli?

“Then the LORD said to Samuel, "Behold, I am about to do a thing in Israel at which the two ears of everyone who hears it will tingle. On that day I will fulfill against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, FOR THE INIQUITY THAT HE KNEW, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them. Therefore I swear to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever."

Eli’s refusal to do anything to restrain or correct his sons didn’t just crash his “ministry” and damage him in the media. It killed him and his family. It can kill Christianity too.

I Wrote the Vision

Every new year at our church, our pastor would preach a sermon called, "Write the Vision". He read from Habakkuk chapter 2, encouraging each person to write down a list of goals or things he/she wanted to see happen in his/her life.

From the very first days at my Word of Faith church, I took to heart much of what I was learning and had a growing vision for my family that included homeschool, missions, and ministry in general. I was building my life on the hope that that vision would become a reality. Church wasn't just church for me. It was a new way of life and the start of my family embarking on God's calling on our lives. I had such confidence in the direction we were going. I felt such optimism. I believed that our lives were actually going to count and that not only could we raise children that would come to personally know Jesus as savior, but also that we could impact the world and change the course of history.

Of course, the plan majored on my children. I had an intense desire to homeschool them to be independent thinkers and have stellar character. This plan to homeschool was dependent upon the church to be our social outlet.

Another component of this vision was ministry, specifically missions. The plan was not just me and/or my husband but the entire family taking the Gospel to a lost and dying world. We would bring living bread to dying souls. The children could see how the rest of the world lives outside of the pop culture bubble that is America. It was a call my husband and I heard very clearly-on more than one occasion.

The calling was intertwined with our work in the church. We thought the mission opportunities would arise as we volunteered in various departments of ministry.

I had confidence that I could believe that God would bring all these things to pass. Every time I began to sense the slightest worry about what would become of my children, I would go back to the things I had written down. I would quote scriptures and pray. I was so thankful to have a hope and a future for my kids. But, gradually, my plans began to crumble.

The social network and support I had been counting never materialized. We didn't have a lot of money which meant the kids didn't "fit in". Camaraderie and emotional connections never grew. But, I thought, no worries! I'll try harder...but it was to no avail. Then the final and most devastating blow came.

We found out that our "pastor" was a covetous liar, hungry for money and covering up the truth. We left our "church".

We then set out on the intimidating task of finding a new church. After a year and a half, we think we have found one. The problem? It's tiny. There are no peers for my kids. So, I am going to have to abandon homeschooling and enroll them in public school.

The point of this post is try to communicate to people how someone can become invested in something so twisted as the Word of Faith and why the aftermath can be so devastating. Our entire life's plans fell when we discovered the truth about our "pastor".

-MW

It's Not Something You Just Get Over

So you have left a controlling church after months or years of soul-searching. And maybe it's been a while since you left. I'll bet I know what people are telling you: it's time to move on, get over it. You talk to Christian friends, ministers you feel you can trust or family friends and it seems like everybody is ready for you to get over it. Let me assure you, if you don't feel like you are going to get over it anytime soon, you are.....normal!

I have friends who have left controlling churches that have rebounded quickly. Others who were more deeply invested in our old church or in the faith movement had their lives turned upside down when they left and are still recovering.

I personally am still in recovery mode after 18 months. This experience has caused me to deeply question the church's ability to be a social institution and yet remain ethical and faithful to God at this point in history. I am also taking my sweet time committing to any particular doctrinal stances. I definitely believe we can know truth...but me being able to wrap my brain around it is another thing. And I do not want to just accept what anybody says as correct doctrine just because they say so, no matter how orthodox it all seems. That's partially how I got into this mess in the first place!

Despite it all, I am very glad to accept the responsibility of thinking for myself. I no longer feel like I have to see what Pastor So-and-so thinks...or Bishop Whats-his-face...or Rev. Dr. Dignified...or Brother Deep-fried.

So if it takes a long time to feel like you have come out the other side of this situation, that's okay. Some if it we should never "get over" because we are dealing with people's spiritual lives, which is no small matter. I believe it's indicative of the times we live in.

A Word of Warning

Romans 10:17 reads, So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

This is true, but I would add a word of caution. Note that another truth is brainwashing cometh by hearing and hearing. Be sure that as you are endeavoring to listen and study the word of God, that you aren't actually being brainwashed by men.

My husband and I have recently realized that we were willingly and actively being brainwashed by constantly listening to recorded sermons and also reading certain books over and over again. Imagine: No one came to our house and held us captive to brainwash us. We pursued the brainwashing!

By all means possible, seek truth, but under no circumstances, believe what a man tells you just because of whom he says he is.

-MW

Jesus Said You Will Know Them By...

(The following post was written as a response to mega-church culture.)

Jesus said you will know them by...

...their awesome music ministry

...how large their church is

...how humble their pastor says he is

...their conviction that church is God

...their performace art

...their cool hair and clothes

...their ability-in any context-to always direct attention to their lives to establish themselves as an example for others to follow

...their knowledge of self-improvement

...their ability to be follow the pack and implicitly trust everything they are investing themselves in

...their deep, thorough understanding of church culture

...their keen awareness of the world always applied in church to be relevant


This is just a short list of how Jesus said we'd know the greatest believers among us. Take note, and if your life doesn't mirror this list, you'd better evaluate your priorities. Church, it's time to take inventory of our lives. No more old fashioned church with the Sunday school classes and the archaic hymn books. No more senior citizens hanging about our churches, coming to services, trying to hold us back from going where God wants to take us! Because everyone knows he wants to take us places we've never been. There are careers paths we've never ventured into, houses we've never been successful enough to own, and coolness that we have never plumbed the depths of.

-M.W.